Tires squeal across the hot asphalt; exhaust fumes fill the air. Innocent shoppers leap to safety as cars circle the neighborhood grocery store lot in search of the ideal parking spot. Engines revving. Adrenaline rushing. The driver's sole mission is to obtain a white lined rectangle of pavement before entering the race known as shopping. As a safety precaution, competent and considerate shoppers should be aware of the distinct character traits of the three annoying types of shoppers: Hurry Harry, Suburban Sally, and Picky Pete. Knowledge of their parking-lot-to-checkout-stand habits increases the chance of avoiding a head-on collision.
The first annoying type of shopper, Hurry Harry, generally parks his dented 1967 Ford Fairland in the No Parking or Handicap zone. Stickers attached to the bumper of his tricolored heap proudly proclaim: "At least it's paid for" and "My Mercedes is in the shop." Cigarette butts and candy wrappers tumble onto the pavement as Hurry Harry, with a barrel-chested chassis and a fleshy front end, pushes his way into the grocery store. He weaves his way through the traffic of shoppers, cutting them off at the aisle intersections, creating a fourteen cart pileup. His basket overflows with instant, frozen, or ready-to-eat food. Finally, the final lap: the checkout stand. Ignoring the flashing sign for ten items or less, he dumps his purchases on the conveyer belt. He taps his foot impatiently, mumbling about the long lines, while counting another customer's dozen eggs as twelve items. When the cashier announces the total, he fumbles with a wad of bills, grumbling about the prices, before asking for a pen. A rearview mirror is necessary to avoid Hurry Harry.
... middle of paper ...
...s neat and orderly cart before heading to the checkout stand. As the cashier confirms his credit card, he rebags his items. Insurance and a solid ego are necessary if you are unfortunate enough to run into Picky Pete at the store.
In conclusion, the competent and considerate shopper is at the mercy of the three types of annoying shoppers. Unfortunately, tickets are not issued for parking thoughtlessly, driving shopping carts recklessly, blocking aisle traffic needlessly, or treating others arrogantly. However, armed with the knowledge of the habits of Hurry Harry, Suburban Sally, and Picky Pet, the average consumer may avoid a head-on collision, and possibly survive a trip to the grocery store. To be on the safe side, shoppers should reread their warranty; written in small print is a clause covering ten thousand miles or one shopping trip, whichever comes first.
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